I am one of those people that throw everything off. I’m not hurt, I’m not phrased. But in reality, I’m as insecure and fucked up as everyone. I never show raw emotion, not really. I pretend.. A lot of the time. Except with one person, I hate that he can make me fall so deeply in love with him and then kick me in the guts whenever he want’s. He wont and doesn’t, but everyone know’s that relationships are so sacred, so flimsy, so easily minipulated. I don’t really know where this post is going, but I am going to continue to write it. Just because I’m angry and sad and happy and loved at the some time.
It came to my realisation, that I am one of ‘those girls’ that fall in love at such a young age and think that it’s the end of the world if their boyfriend doesn’t call them. That it’s the end of the world, if you have such a strong willed fight. That it hurts too much and so much when you can’t see them whenever you want. I’ll admit I’m a self professed sook. I sook whenever I can and will do for the rest of my life most likely. I sook at the drop of a hat, I am a Leo by nature, I was born on the 14th of August, making me that star sign, and jesus do I fit the part. All eyes have to be on me, 100% of the time. I am obsessive and absolutely ridiculously emotional. I am so strong willed and stubborn, that it a lot of the time, get’s me in trouble. On the bright side, I’m funny, easily pleased and very easy going. I can adapt to any atmosphere, and easily fit in with anyone.
I unfortunately just have a lot of faults. I will always be the type to always have my own way, enjoy being bossy and procrastinating is my best friend sometimes. I kill for freedom sometimes, and with my licences I have achieved that. But I wish for the freedom, of being able to say to someone, no. You don’t have control over me. I wish sometimes, that I didn’t feel this way, but I know that everyone has faults and that is mine. I with all my heart love my partner and would never ever ever give him up for just anything. I just hate that a lot of the time he does have the power, he has the power to make it rain or shine.
In every relationship there is always a balance, and we do have a balance. The greatest balance of all. I love him just as much as he loves me, my love for him is equal to his undying love for me. We both aren’t as jealous as we pretend to be to each other. I’m just as insecure about my faults as he is about his. We really are made for each other in so many ways. We are definitely very very much the same in the stubborn pile.
Some of the things we don’t share though, do get us down. like a lot of relationships, one likes to socialise a lot more then the other, and that does become a problem, one likes to not call back, one likes to be the attention seeker (a.k.a me).
I will always admit to being the attention seeker, I love the attention. I will never not admit this, because it is one hundred and ten percent real. I like to be on his mind, all the time. I like for him to be on my mind all the time. It’s just how I am, and a lot of the time, I know I’m not and at times that does cut me. But I’ve also came to the realisation that my expectations are incredibly hard to meet. And for some weird reason Ramese does meet all of them 99 percent of the time.
Posted: 3 months ago
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