I’m so mad at myself for letting my father get to me. At times I wish I had the perfect family like my girlfriends or my boyfriend. But hey, I have a really awesome mum who has done one of the hardest things a parent has ever had to do, she had to be both a mum and a dad and it makes me awfully sad sometimes that I let some stupid idiot that I share DNA with get to me. She has brought me up absolutely bullet proof, it’s only that little niggle of hope that gets to me, that I think maybe I can pretend he didn’t abandon me. That maybe he really isn’t that bad of a bloke and that perhaps I’ve mis interpreted his absence through both my childhood and adulthood.
I think what makes me more angry than I can explain is that he has children with two other women, I have two baby sisters to another women, who he has done the exact same thing he done to me. It’s as if the fact that he is no longer with the mother as an excuse that his children do not exist. These girls are absolutely gorgeous and they deserve the world. They deserve a father that isn’t what ours is. We will forever be bound together as the girls that joe Couldn’t give a hoot about, and that deeply saddens me.
It frustrates me that he gives his brand new daughter the time of day. He has four other children that he doesn’t even associate with, but yet because his with the mother, the newest addition is given the world.
It angers me that I am jealous! Of a two year old!
My mother made the right decision. He is an awful person. With a heart of black.I forget sometimes that I have a good man as a step father who, took it upon himself to step in as a role model, someone who actually tries. Who took it upon himself to help my mother raise me. He taught me how to drive, he taught me how to live and good god he was asshole about it, but maybe I just need to let go. I need to remember a father isn’t blood.